It is Safe to Heal: Listening to Your Inner Child's Messages

Do you remember what it felt like when you were very young to feel left behind, talked over, or afraid to show too much of yourself? See if you can picture your little person from childhood, the kid you once were in the past. This might even be difficult. Were you afraid to speak up? Were you the bully? Did you try to fade into the shadows out of shyness? All of these parts of yourself growing up affect your overall current state: emotionally, mentally, and physically. If you suffer from feelings of anxiety toward your body, it is most likely in part brought on by your upbringing. If you are one of the many people who can identify with this, taking the steps to look within might sound scary. Those with eating disorders are more concerned with getting that “Everything’s OK” message across through the control of their weight. Moving past the outer physical barrier and more deeply toward honoring that little voice inside of you is a beautiful way to deepen your yoga practice and get to the root of stored emotion in your body and mind. When you develop a relationship with your Inner Child you can focus on your healing in a whole new light.

The concept of the Inner Child represents the feeling, creative, vulnerable, and playful part of yourself. Everyone is affected by childhood in some way, however each person’s experience is unique. As adults, we may have forgotten that this place inside us even exists, or it may feel weird to actually listen within instead of to everyone else. If somebody told you that it wasn’t OK to feel your feelings as a kid, you’ve probably brought that into adulthood. When this is the case, your Inner Child shuts down but wants deeply to be out in the open. It is your responsibility to let the Inner Child know she is safe to do just that, to be spontaneous and cry and laugh and do whatever it is children do without even thinking about it.

When we fully embrace the Inner Child, we honor our truest spirit and give ourselves permission to feel and live out loud again, instead of looking toward outside sources for approval. The Inner Child could also be called our Inner Voice or True Self. It is when we neglect our bodies and our deepest desires that the Inner Child feels betrayed. If you do not allow yourself to feel your feelings your childlike spirit within thinks she’s not allowed to exist, because she is the epitome of your true feelings – including the ones that just want to tell everyone off. Your Inner Child may be a feisty little thing, especially if you’ve been neglecting her. If you are living with an eating disorder, your Inner Child may see food as a weapon that you are using to push her out of the way. The Inner Child might think you don’t want that part of you to exist. Why is that we are so afraid to allow our true spirits to rise confidently to the surface for all to see?

Practicing yoga is a safe time to allow such deeply rooted emotions to flow to the surface. In yoga we learn to practice self-acceptance and listen in to the vulnerable part of ourselves, a place we may be ashamed of and fear. It is on our mat that we can also re-visit our more playful side, the child who knows what she wants and has no shame asking for it. When you’ve provided a safe space for the child to speak up, it is up to you to be a good listener. Observe whatever emotions come up with curiosity and compassion. Even if the feelings seem uncomfortable, see if you can simply allow them to be just as they are without you judging them. Reconnecting with your Inner Child may help you begin healing emotional and physical trauma stored deep inside. Getting to the roots of your pain is a part of the healing process, and yoga encourages us to feel so that we can heal. It is important to practice this experience without criticism and pressure. Tell yourself it is safe to feel.

When you deny your true desires in life and therefore neglect the Inner Child, you may notice tension build in the body, frequent headaches, lack of sleep, and your eating disorder may spiral out of control. In yoga you can learn to embrace your childlike needs and discover how to honor them. In other words, you can give yourself permission to surrender to that little voice inside screaming for your undivided attention. She needs respect, love, and a healthy lifestyle so that she can help you live life from an authentic place.

Child’s pose and Happy Baby are just the beginning – each yoga pose is an opportunity to become childlike as you listen to the body and observe your experience in a fresh new light. When you begin to connect to this forgotten place inside, do so from the perspective of a loving parent. Maybe you were not fully loved as a child and so take this time to imagine in your mind’s eye a parent that meets all your needs unconditionally. The image that appears is what your Inner Child deserves. Practice loving your Inner Child without judgment and without feeling rushed. Notice feelings that come up and remember that it is your choice to take on the responsibility of loving parent to the child within. Be careful not to criticize; that will only make the Inner Child go back into hiding. Be gentle with this new relationship. You can learn to discover your Inner Child’s joy and wisdom and allow that to dance with the serious adult.

Meditating using visualization can be a great way to “meet” your Inner Child. Imagine a safe place for you and your Inner Child to meet, and welcome her with open arms. Make sure it is a place that your childlike spirit chooses. After meditating on this, see if you can draw what you imagined. Creative expression is the true language of the child so give yourself permission to let go and draw whatever it is that you feel. To access a deeper level of instinct and emotional memory try drawing with your non-dominant hand. This will tap into right-brain functions, which represent non-verbal, visual, and emotional expressions as well as your intuition. The left side of the brain represents verbal and analytical processing – your logical side.

The Inner Parent is a role we are trying learn about as well, and develop into a loving adult that your Inner Child can feel safe around. A conversation between your Inner Child and yourself (Inner Parent) can be helpful after you’ve envisioned your Inner Child in your meditation. This can be done using your dominant (Parent) and non-dominant (Child) hands. Begin by welcoming the child and asking her some questions, such as: Are you happy? What do you want out of life? Whatever comes to mind as your question or your answer, allow it. If you find your Inner Parent takes on a critical voice and rushes your Inner Child, or is being harmful in some way, just observe it. Just like we do in yoga – we observe critical thoughts that arise. We don’t need to judge them. This exercise allows you to see how you have been treating your Inner Child.

Pause and reflect for a moment on what the experience was like when you feel the conversation has come to an end. When you feel ready, journal about your experience with your dominant hand. Notice if the Inner Parent took on a critical tone during your conversation, which may be a reflection of the voices that shamed or humiliated you for having needs when you were a child. It is the loving Inner Parent’s responsibility to protect the Inner Child from critical voices. You can begin to take the necessary steps to honor your Inner Child with this new awareness.